When I draw and write, it is a bitter-sweet ordeal. It is good to get thoughts out of my head, to express emotions and occasionally communicate to others where I am at in life. But what you make black and white; take from the realm of internal thought and fantasy into the solid world around you, will, in all likelihood, be seen by others. It could come back to haunt you. Whether you advertise it or not.
It isn't embarrassment or shame that sours the experience; it's fear. Fear of hurting, offending, shocking, ridiculing. Fear of revealing ignorance, weakness, faults, mistakes. Fear of judgement, losing friends, gaining foes, creating tensions. Fear of expressing the truth.
And yet, does the Truth not purportedly set us free?
Is it cowardice to opt against being nakedly honest around others? To wear a "mask", or to prefer the cushioning barrier of paper (or pixels...)? Are the intricate social dances and dramas a necessity, or a hindrance towards communication and relationships? Am I truly the person others perceive me to be, or am I the pompous, callous, bungling arsehole I see inside me? What if they see the person I see? Will they feel the same way?
Beyond the "filter" that most develop, to avoid every half-baked whim and fleeting fancy being blurted out to the world at large, where do we draw the line? Do I really look good in this, or does it make my arse look like it should beep when I back up? Are you saying that to merely please and reassure me, or are you being honest? Am I not expressing something, out of legitimate concern, or groundless fear? Are lies and pretence more beneficial than the truth? Always? Never? Sometimes?
Our personal revelations are entwined with that curious thing, trust. I trust someone, therefore they get to see a different mask, perhaps more revealing. Because I feel it is less likely to be turned against me. So sometimes it's easier to trust a stranger.
"Coming Out"; that interesting phenomenon that is for many the shedding of a mask, the revealing of the "real you" to those around you, usually starting with those you trust...an experience often associated with fear and anxiety beforehand, followed by relief and surprise and liberation afterwards. Even if every reaction isn't positive.
Is sexuality the only thing we should be "coming out" over, and is it only gay people who need apply?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment